Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2006 | Valentine Shmalentine

This is how my Valentine’s Day began:

I woke up. My stomach was rumbly, so I went to the bathroom. That kind of helped and kind of didn’t. You know the feeling.

I went into the kitchen to find one of my cats had left me the gift of petrified poo on the floor. Just one piece, because petrified poo is like gold, and my cats aren’t made of money, you know.

The living room revealed a long poo-butt swipe across the carpet, and being the genius that I am, I figured the petrified poo in the kitchen was probably related to this new fun surprise.

When I had gotten those wonderful presents taken care of, I walked over to my computer to find a ginormous poster propped up against it from my husband. It was all red and white and heart-filled and sweet and… a bit familiar-looking. Further investigation revealed that beneath the giant words, “I LOVE MY BABY!” and the heart with my name in the center and the arrows going both ways proclaiming “THIS” and “MUCH”… beneath all that, it said in smaller letters, “Happy Valentine’s Day 2006.”

Only the 6 was on a piece of cut-out post-it note because it was hiding the 4 beneath it. Yep. It was my Valentine’s Day poster from 2004.

Did I mention we’re newlyweds who only got married on December 11th?

That bastard is lucky I have a bad memory.

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